Thank You
Before you read, please keep this in mind: These thoughts are mine, and from my perspective. You, dear reader, will have your own perspective and I don't expect it to agree with my own. Feel free to read, have a thought, but you can keep it to yourself.
"Thank you"
This is the last thing my father said to me before he died. This was over 10 years ago, and he had lost his long term battle with liver disease due to alcohol. At the time, I only thought of the immediate - helping him back to bed. But maybe he knew that it was the end? Maybe he wanted to thank me for becoming closer during my adulthood, after a childhood of feeling like I needed to be the good son, and feeling like I was failing.
Wow, that got deep, really fast.
But, this is going to be a deep, possibly dark post, so hang on.
Maybe it's because I'm a half-century old, but I keep thinking about mortality. Both my grandfather and father passed away around their seventies. However, I think I've made some improvements to my lifestyle:
- I've been a vegetarian for most of my life, though I haven't made the most healthiest of choices
- I didn't fall into the abusive consumption of alcohol trap
- I've finally found a workout program that I can stick with (the link will help me if you sign up)
Maybe with all of those differences I'll make it past my 70s. That still doesn't make the last thought I have most nights, "One more day done toward the end."
This has been a rough post to write. It's been on my mind, yet I wasn't able to open my editor and finish my thoughts. Back at it.
Other mortality thoughts:
- A television character is killed: "Well, they don't have to worry about the rest of the show."
- Trying to picture the moment just after death.
- Thinking about the earth spinning, and life happening, even though I've ceased.
- How the idea of legacy is a stupid concept.
Let's talk about that last one. When a character yells at another about upholding their legacy, I can't help but yell, "What does it matter to you, you won't be around to know." The idea of subjecting someone else to something that you think is important, or needs to carry on, is not fair to that person. They have their own lives, with their own importance. Now, if they want to carry on someone's legacy, all the power to them, but the soon-to-be-dead dude shouldn't have any influence on that.
Oh, and one more thought. When a character pontificates about how a person/group/etc. will be remembered in history. What the fuck does it matter? You as the dead person will have no idea if you will be remembered, and it won't even matter if they do. It does nothing to change the outcome, dead is dead.
In general, I'm okay. I keep doing what I'm doing, and will do everything to keep my heart a beating. I'm doing well at work, and my life at home is supportive and full of love. The thoughts above creep in, but don't linger. I let them come in for a visit, but they are just there, I wave hi and eventually they leave.
